This was written by a sadly delusional friend of mine from winter 1996 to early 1997. Rules are as follows: add 3.14159265359 points for every "yes" answer. Add 1.41421356237 points for every question that you answer "no" to, but understand. Subtract 2.71828182846 points for every question you don't even understand. If you get anything higher than 2 or 3 points, you're too far gone. Go back to bed and your dreams of becoming second assistant lieutenant deputy reserve range safety officer, and then heroically pushing a button to shoot down the space shuttle before it crashes into downtown Miami due to a horrible navigational failure, killing dozens and injuring hundreds.
When was the first time you launched a rocket?
How many rules in the NAR safety rules have you violated?
Have you ever stuck solid rocket fuel up your nose (or other body opening) and lit it in hope of reaching
Have you put warheads in model rocket nose cones?
Were they nuclear?
Do you purposely forget to put the parachute and/or streamer in the rocket?
If not, do you submerge the streamers, etc. in gasoline? (So the exploding charge can set the rocket on fire)
Do you enjoy violating the NAR safety codes?
Do you try to impress friends and/or girl/boyfriends by destroying model rockets in the air?
Do you like to launch the rockets when the launch rod is horizontal?
Have you ever launched model rockets indoors?
Along with the warhead?
Have you tried to simulate NASA launch failures by putting underpowered engines on rockets?
Have you ever launched a model rocket into orbit? Intentionally?
Have you ever launched anything larger than a mouse?
Have you had dreams of becoming a range safety officer for NASA?
Have you ever had dreams at night about being a second assistant lieutenant assistant range safety officer and blowing up the Space Shuttle?
Did you enjoy it?
Have you ever launched model rockets at targets that are related to hunting?
Have you ever used model rockets instead of clay targets and attempted to shoot them down? (Anti-Aircraft)
Have you ever used model rockets as SAMS (Surface-to-Air Missiles)?
Have you ever put sophisticated equipment on model rockets (gyroscopes) (radios) to make the rockets into guided missiles?
Have you ever launched any of your ship models on rockets by attaching them to the nose cone?
Have you ever attempted to get revenge on classmates or coworkers by firing model rockets through their windows?
Do you have a happy life?
If not, would you like to be killed by a stray model rocket?
Do you think it is normal for people to blow up model rockets?
Do you stand closer to the rocket before lift-off than you are supposed to?
Do you hate using recovery wadding in the rockets?
If so, do you douse the wadding in gasoline?
Air-To-Air
Have you ever attached Mosquitos to the wing of your Radio-Controlled plane?
Naval Warfare: Surface Warfare
Have you ever put in a Infrared targeting system on your rocket?
Have you ever put missile launchers on your private boat?
Let's say you are going fishing and there are other small boats in the lake. Did your boat start a commerce-rading career when you pressed the fire button?
Next time, when you put your boat out on the lake, did all the little fishing boats start a convoy system with protective screens of destroyers?
Did they sink you?
Next time when you are at that lake, will you try a submarine-type approach to sinking the convoy?
Did they sink you by using ASDIC?
Did the police finally catch you when you launched your first type XXI submarine?
Have you started a model rocket surface warfare club and are now planning a Jutland-type confrontation?
Anti-Aircraft
Have you trained your radio-controlled planes as Kamikazes?
Have the other fishing boats attached numerous 20mm and 40mm guns to themselves in an effort to protect themselves?
Before you launch a rocket, do you check to see if there are any low-flying aircraft up in the air?
Have you cut off the superstructure to your boat and put a runway on it? With a small island for you to sit in?
Could you carry as many as 20 planes? With a working elevator system?
Did you make all these top secret jet propelled, MHD, and electromagnetic propelled rockets before the police caught you?
Have you worked and made these in a remote shack and wrote a "Model Rocketeer's Manifesto"?
Have you and an a gang enemy sucessfully engaged in a drive-by model rocket bombing? Yo?
Have you ever referred to fireworks as "conventional weapons"? Model rockets as "guided missiles"?
Are you hoping to attend a Pyrotechnic University? Even if they don't exist?
Now, is your model rocket club starting to perform a Midway-type confrontation?
When an actual rocket launches from Canavrel, do you launch your best rocket with a guidance system to shoot down the rocket? Has it ever worked?
Remember the lake commerce raiding earlier? Did your best battleship go out and sink the pride of the Allied fleet?
Later, did you take a torpedo in the rudder from a puny old wire-controlled plane and then steer eratically until the allies' best battleships destroyed you?
Do you have delusions of grandeur?
Do you have this once-classified book called "A Report on the Guided Missiles of Germany on Japan", dating from 1945?
Does your latest warship carry a surplus CIWS? (Close-in Weapon System)
Does this CIWS weigh down your boat an extra 3 feet?
Do you occasionally shoot down birds and actual aircraft with your CIWS?
Do you catch fish by using Subroc missiles? Depth Charges?
Have you turned your car into an armoured vehicle, firing at cars as they pass by?
Have the police ever called the Navy and Air Force, trying to stop you?
When you see anything blow up with a great loss of life, do you start laughing?
Have you ever made a human-carrying model rocket?